Un proverbe chinois dit : « Aucune maison ne peut afficher sur sa porte : Ici, il n’y a pas de problème. » Que faire de cette colère qui monte en moi comme un volcan ?

La colère

  • Prendre 1 respiration,
  • Repérer son sentiment,
  • L’exprimer de manière respectueuse,
  • vraie et vigoureuse.

Le second commandement : « Aime ton prochain comme toi-même. » – Matthieu V, 23-24

 

in english

It’s impossible to live without a certain amount of conflict.

The important thing is to know how to manage it.

Many people don’t dare to confront conflict because they are afraid of appearing bad or being losers. They prefer to sweep things under the carpet in the hope that they will forget about them, but they can gnaw away at you from the inside and cause problems such as stomach ulcers.

For centuries conflicts have been resolved by the most powerful (feudal lords), the highest ranking (generals), the top brass (bosses) the eldest (the father of the family). The loser broods over his anger, bitterness or sadness or else he rebels.

Fortunately modern-day methods, particularly non-violent communication, offer a win-win situation. Thomas Gordon said to his “adversary”: “I won’t leave the room until you are satisfied.”

What can the tenant on the lower floor do when there is a lot of noise in the apartment above? In order to find a solution, it is essential firstly to research the needs of the 2 parties (the need for peace and calm and the need to party and enjoy oneself) which are quite different to the solutions that first come to mind. Next, think up solutions that meet these needs; this brainstorming can be very entertaining. Then one can agree on one or other of these ideas in a very precise manner: who? what? when? how? how many? Finally a trial period can be decided upon before evaluating it.

You are going to see that it is possible.

***********************

The Chinese sign for conflict also signifies opportunity.

Yes, a conflict can present an opportunity for change, for evolution.

Conflict can allow one to get out of a rut and see things differently.

An American study has shown that, when people avoid talking about their disagreements, they don’t improve their relationships, but rather move further away from each other and try to avoid each other.

“If your brother holds something against you, seek him out and be reconciled with him, says Jesus”.

Certainly He is not showing us the easy path, but the way to get back on track and renew relationships.

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